Defining Your Own Success

You do yourself a disservice when you make choices based on what you think others might think of you. Instead of asking yourself if others will think you’re successful, ask yourself if you believe you’re a success. Doing this requires you to decide what success looks like to you: is it money, popularity, more time to pursue hobbies or enjoy with family? Is a quiet mind a sign that you’re on the right track? These are the questions that matter.

I spent years chasing someone else’s definition of success. Yet, each achievement left me emptier than the last. I was climbing a ladder leaning against the wrong wall.

The shift happened in slow increments, and eventually I was measuring my choices against my own ruler, not someone else’s.

Success, I realized, wasn’t a destination I would someday reach. It was happening in moments—when I had energy left to read before bed, when I could take a Wednesday off to spend in the garden, when I could sit in silence without reaching for my phone.

True freedom comes when you understand that other people’s opinions of you are none of your business. Their judgments say more about their values than yours.

🌟So I ask: What does success look like when no one else is watching?

When I finally asked myself this question, I sat with the discomfort of not having an immediate answer. Society had trained me to respond with metrics: salary figures, job titles, square footage of homes. But these weren’t my metrics—they were borrowed yardsticks.

My success took a different shape. It looked like mornings when I awoke to natural light, not to an alarm. It was measured in conversations where I spoke honestly rather than strategically, even if my opinions weren’t popular. It revealed itself in choices that aligned with my energy rather than depleted it.

The discomfort of being left out of whatever society thought should come next soon faded. Not because I had achieved more, but because I had stopped keeping score.

The hardest part wasn’t defining my version of success. It was defending it.

What I’ve learned is that success isn’t just personal—it’s also seasonal. What fulfills you at thirty may shift at forty, sixty, eighty. The wisdom lies in recognizing these seasons and adjusting your definition accordingly.

So perhaps the better question isn’t just what success looks like when no one is watching, but what it looks like in this season of your life. And whether you have the courage to honor that definition when others question it.

We often mistake others’ curiosity about our choices as judgment. Sometimes it is judgment. Sometimes it’s projection. Sometimes it’s genuine interest. Regardless, your responsibility isn’t to make your life choices comprehensible to others—it’s to make them meaningful to you.

The most liberating discovery is that your definition of success can be fluid. It can expand, contract, or transform entirely. You can chase ambition fiercely for seasons, then retreat into simplicity. You can value financial security during uncertain times, then prioritize adventure when stability feels stifling.

What matters isn’t consistency with some fixed vision you created years ago—it’s alignment with the person you are becoming.

Some of the most successful people I know have mastered the art of saying no to good opportunities to make room for great ones. They’ve built lives around meaningful work, not impressive titles. They understand that sometimes success means stepping back, not climbing higher.

🌟What is success but the bravery to define it on your own terms and then the courage to pursue that vision, despite obstacles?