Why People Respect You More When You Expect More

It’s okay to expect more from yourself and others. When you hold yourself to a higher standard, you are more likely to push beyond your limits, discovering new strengths and capabilities that you may not have realized existed within you. And yes, most people will respect you more when you expect more.

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The other day, I was conversing with someone I’d never met who thought the only way to get their point across was to integrate swear words every few seconds into the conversation. I let them know the conversation would end if they didn’t stop. Yes, people have a right to say whatever they want, just as I have the right not to listen.

I tend to set high standards for those around me, even those I work hard to help, and I offer no apologies. Why? Because it’s okay to expect more. More respect, more consideration, and more accountability from the people we choose to surround ourselves with. When we lower our expectations, we’re not being kind or understanding—we’re enabling mediocrity and disrespect.

You can tell yourself you’re being compassionate, that you’re accepting people as they are, but you’re not helping them or yourself by lowering your standards.

Acceptance and enablement are two distinct things. Genuine acceptance means seeing someone clearly, understanding their flaws, and choosing to love them anyway, while still maintaining boundaries about what behavior you’ll tolerate in your own space. It doesn’t mean becoming a doormat for their dysfunction.

I’ve seen it happen repeatedly—people confuse setting boundaries with being judgmental. They’re not the same. When I expect someone to treat me with basic respect, I’m not judging their worth as a human being. I’m simply defining what I need to maintain a healthy relationship with them.

Consider this: Would you continue to frequent a restaurant where the service was consistently terrible? Would you continue to buy products from companies that cannot deliver on their promises? Probably not. Yet somehow, we’re expected to maintain relationships with people who repeatedly violate our boundaries, as if setting standards for interpersonal behavior is cruel or unfair.

The truth is that our expectations of others often reflect our expectations of ourselves. I hold myself to high standards of conduct and integrity, so it is natural for me to extend those same expectations to those in my circle. Not because I believe I’m better than anyone else, but because I think we’re all capable of being better.

Some may argue that this approach is elitist or exclusionary. It’s not. It’s actually deeply optimistic about human potential. When I expect more from someone, I’m saying: “I see you. I see your capacity for growth and excellence. I believe you can rise above your current limitations.”

The people who rise to meet those expectations are the ones worth keeping in your life. They’re the ones who appreciate being challenged to grow, who understand that excellence isn’t perfection but rather the consistent effort to improve. These are the people who will push you in return, who will call you out when you’re not living up to your standards.

The others? The ones who bristle at boundaries, who call you difficult when you refuse to accept their worst behavior? They reveal themselves for what they are: people who prefer comfort over growth, who would rather drag others down than elevate themselves.

And that’s okay. Not everyone is meant to be in your inner circle. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do—both for yourself and others—is to create distance.

There was a time when I confused loyalty with martyrdom, when I thought being a good friend, partner, or colleague meant enduring whatever treatment came my way. I stayed in toxic situations far longer than I should have, all while telling myself I was being understanding and compassionate.

What I was doing was betraying myself. Every time I accepted behavior that violated my values, I was sending a message to my subconscious: “Your needs don’t matter. Your standards are negotiable.”

It’s okay to expect more from yourself and others. It’s essential. When we raise our expectations, we raise the collective bar for what’s possible in our relationships and communities.

But raising expectations doesn’t happen overnight. It requires a fundamental shift in how you view yourself and your place in the world. You must first believe that you deserve better before you can demand better from those around you.

This isn’t about ego or entitlement—it’s about self-worth. It’s recognizing that your time and energy are precious resources that should be invested wisely. When you value yourself properly, you naturally become more discerning about who and what you allow into your life.

Start small, but don’t make compromises. Begin by identifying one boundary that matters to you—perhaps it’s how people speak to you, how they respect your time, or the level of effort they bring to your shared endeavors. Communicate this boundary clearly, without apology or excessive explanation. You might be surprised how many people will respect a firmly stated boundary they ignored when it was meekly suggested.

The moment you honor your boundaries, you help others to do the same. Excellence becomes contagious when it’s consistently modeled and expected.

Don’t mistake this for perfectionism. Perfectionism is about fear—the fear of criticism, the fear of failure, the fear of not being enough. What I’m advocating for is excellence, which is about aspiration—the desire to grow, to contribute, to leave things better than you found them.

When you expect more from others, you’re not demanding they be flawless. You’re asking them to bring their authentic selves forward with integrity and intention. You’re asking them to show up fully, to engage genuinely, to care deeply about the impact they have.

Some will call this harsh. They’ll say you’re not allowing people to be human, to make mistakes, to have bad days. But that misses the point entirely. Having high standards doesn’t mean expecting perfection—it means expecting effort, awareness, and a willingness to grow.

The greatest gift you can give someone is believing they’re capable of more. The path of high expectations is not an easy one. You will be called difficult. You will be told you’re too demanding. Some will walk away rather than rise to meet your standards. Let them go with grace and gratitude—they’ve done you the favor of revealing their true priorities.

What remains will be a smaller circle, yes, but one filled with people who understand that excellence is a choice we make daily.

Again, excellence becomes contagious when it’s consistently modeled and expected.

When you surround yourself with people who choose excellence, you’re more likely to naturally elevate your self-expectations. Their commitment to growth challenges you to abandon complacency. Their refusal to settle for “good enough” inspires you to reach for what you previously thought impossible.

Remember, growth is an ongoing journey. The world doesn’t change all at once. It changes one relationship at a time, one conversation at a time, one boundary at a time.

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